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My favorite Christmas album is the Carpenter's one. I grew up listening to it on repeat as a child and it defined everything good about the holiday for me: a warm home, a loving family, a beautiful tree, and a crapton of cookies. I'm listening to it (or parts of it) on Pandora right now and am instantly transported back to my childhood tree. My mom's in the kitchen making another round of cookies, there's a fire in the fireplace, and I've got a good book to read. It's a small reassurance at a time when my life is not at its easiest.

The point of this entry isn't to wax poetic about my childhood. It was to talk about Karen Carpenter for a second, and how awesome my mom is. She and I love Karen Carpenter. My mother always used to get a little sad at Christmas when we'd talk about Karen Carpenter, who, if you're unaware, died of heart failure after years of anorexia. My mom thought it was sad that someone so obviously gifted, someone so beautiful, could be so disgusted with herself that she would torture her body and bring about her too-early death. Then my mom would turn serious and tell me, "Don't ever do that." This was before EDs were understood as something other than a choice, and I always joked to my mom that I loved food too much. The truth is, like so many women, I haven't been diagnosed with an ED but I sure as hell participate in disordered eating. But no matter what I do, I know my mom is going to love me and I know I'm damn lucky to have that. I love you, mom.
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First of all, thank you so much everyone for the birthday wishes! I had a pleasant birthday. I managed to convince my coworkers (distinguished professors, office staff, and graduate students alike) to dance for me. It was the only way I would let them sing Happy Birthday (I hate when people sing Happy Birthday at me because it makes me so, so uncomfortable). The department chair gave me three different bars of fancy dark chocolate and my officemates bought me a cake, which was so, so tasty. I got a hugs and well wishes and random text messages throughout the day and then I went home last night to finish my final. IT IS SO EXCITING BEING 32 LET ME TELL YOU. Hopefully tonight we will have a proper birthday celebration at the movie theatre seeing DMB in 3D. We have to go tonight because we have company coming tomorrow night and we won't be able to go and tomorrow is the last day it's showing.

MOVING ON. I'm working on a more elaborate end-of-the-year post in my head, but here are some memes I took from the beautiful, darling [personal profile] mcollinknight.

Idek where this year went tbh )
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Title: Charcoal and Parchment
Category: Fanfiction
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: James/Lily, Remus/Lily [friendship], Marauders
Rating: G
WC: 920
AN: Borrowed very briefly from [info]fernwithy's Lupin canon (the bit about his summers). Also, it's sad that every time I post something here, I have to c/p the intro format from another entry. Also, this is going up at DW, too.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

Yes, Ms. Evans )
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So. I'm trying not to neglect my lovely DW account. I keep forgetting to x-post my stuff when I make LJ posts and then I'm like GRR WHY DIDN'T I USE DW AND X-POST? POOP!


For your reading enjoyment, I present the entire first segment of the BryCon story that will never be finished because I love it too much. And by 'love it too much' I mean I wish Connor were real.


Click here for abysmal writing and laughable Haitian Creole )
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A Friday Five on Monday! I stole it from [personal profile] hillarygayle because that's how I roll. I'm mainly doing this because I'M STARVING and plotting my lunch.

1. What is your favorite vegetable?
Potatoes. Jesus lord, do I love potatoes. Mash them, bake them, fry them, cut them up and throw them in a glass dish with some olive oil, sea salt, and garlic. IDC. JUST GIVE ME POTATOES.

2. What is your favorite salad dressing, sauce, gravy, or condiment?
Kraft's Greek dressing is amazing. I like that on my salads. I like brown gravy on my meats/poultries and potatoes. I love a good cheese sauce and/or salsa. Mmmm.

3. What is your favorite culture's food (American, Chinese, Creole, Indian, Italian, Mexican, Soul Food, Southern U.S., etc.)?
Mexican. I could eat Mexican food every day and never get tired of it. Nine times out of ten, when I got to a restaurant, I find whatever Mexican food is on the menu and order it.

4. What is your favorite beverage?
Dr. Pepper but I am trying to cut back. When I'm stressed, it's what I go for because I can't drink at work. You think I'm lying. I'm not.

5. What is your favorite food?
Hillary makes a convincing argument in favor of bread. I do like bread, especially when it's warm and served with a good soup. Mmm bread. But potatoes! I love my potatoes so, so much. I think it's a tie between those two things.

Mmmmmmmmm a fudz.
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Oh hai, DW.

I haven't forgotten you!

I just don't have anything to say. :\
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So far today I have:

Spilled oatmeal all over my desk.

Okay, so that's it on my list. But let me tell you, it was cooked oatmeal. Not dry oatmeal. And I like my oatmeal more on the soupy side than the lumpy side, so just imagine that mess for a moment, won't you? I cleaned it up and thank goddess it didn't get on anything important. It happened between the cuff of my cardigan (YES, I AM LUPIN. STFU.) was snagged by the hook of the hanging file, on top of which sat my bowl of oatmeal. I did, however, avoid dumping the entire thing on the floor, which just would've destroyed any good possibilities I had for the day.

Here we are at Monday again. Like I told C this morning, "It seems like it was just Monday LAST WEEK." And it's true. THINK ABOUT IT.

This weekend I was supposed to listen to voice posts and comment on voice posts and make a voice post of my very own. That didn't happen? Saturday morning threw my entire weekend off. I was kind of nonplussed Friday night. I just wanted Saturday morning to be over with so I could get to the "recovering from Saturday morning" part. I was up later than I should've been Friday night and then I woke up at 6am, my body all shot full of nervous energy. The Scary Thing was over and done by 9:30 and I looked forward to getting a nap in. But then there was the nervous energy again, accompanied by unbelievable irritability and tension. I dozed for a bit but didn't feel rested. Instead, I Just knocked off balance. I got up and played the Sims for awhile.

The bright spot of Saturday was going to the Apple Store and playing Tap Tap Revenge on the iPhones. Because as soon as I get my new toy, I'm buying the DMB Tap Tap Revenge. THE GAME IS SO FUN. The rest of the bright spot was dinner (I was starving) and ice cream (Coldstone), all courtesy of [personal profile] cryfreedom, who is the best best friend ever.

Obviously, we watched Zapatista documentaries Friday and Saturday night (obvious if you've read my LJ, that is, as I'm x-posting this from DW). Last night we watched QuinceaƱera and Eulogy (both good).

This is a boring post. I apologize.
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I just Googled "Kundalini yoga makes me cranky". I was hoping to find some internets haven where I could just bitch and moan until I was blue in the face. Unfortunately for you, I didn't find anything, which means I will be doing that HERE.

Okay, so it doesn't always make me cranky. When I have been awake for a bit and know I don't have to do anything else afterward, I find Kundalini yoga quite enjoyable. But at 6am, I just want to punch everyone in the vagina. I am generally okay until Frog. Frog makes my knees ache the entire day and after we finish with Frog, we do other things that make me cranky, like that thing where you raise your head and feet. What. I cannot do that at 6am. Tuck pose isn't bad, but mostly because it's called TUCK POSE and this is the Tuck I know:

Tuck and Noni and me )

I just concentrate on MY Tuck and it makes the pose a little more bearable. And then there is that point where you get to relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax. On your back. Mmmmmmm it's almost like getting ready to sleep! Except then you get up and chant. Which is fine. After that, I have to get up and get ready for work. I don't like that part. My body feels limp and weak and unhappy and I traipse to work where I spend a few hours staring blankly at the monitor or my desk or the hallway wishing I could just get some sleep.

[personal profile] cryfreedom is trying this experiment with me and I'm willing to stick it out for a week. Or attempt to. This experiment also includes the evening portion of the DVD we have and I was asleep before 11pm last night. UNHEARD OF. I'm not too fond of the exhaustion and lack of GOOD I'm getting from the routine that usually makes me feel all zen and awesome. I don't feel awesome. I feel kind of dead.

One thing I am noticing is that I am like OM NOM NOM GIVE ME FOOD NOW. [personal profile] cryfreedom packed me food yesterday and today. By this time yesterday, I had burned through almonds, oatmeal, and a yogurt. I had no trouble finishing my lunch: two biscuits, 1 apple, 3 Milano cookies. So far today I've had oatmeal, chips, and an apple. Yogurt, a sandwich, and some cookies await me for lunch. IN AN HOUR AND A HALF. Do you have any idea how starving I am? I'm tempted to eat it NOW but what will I eat LATER?

But if I ate it now, I could take a nap at lunch.

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So basically today is a day of SUCK. Just absolute SUCK. Which follows a week of absolute SUCK. Which makes me unbearably GRUMPY.

First of all, our DDR mat, which we've had all of 2 months, completely died last week after being hit or miss since a week or two after we bought it. A new one is on its way. THEN we bought a new betta Saturday night and named her Carolina because she was Carolina blue. She was wee and precious and had stripes! I was looking forward to getting to know her and finding out what kind of personality she had (though it'll be hard to beat our first betta, Paul Anka, who was very protective of his mamas and stared Pascal Anderson Cooper Nichols IV [our second betta] to death from one bowl over). We woke up Sunday morning and she was alive but not well. But then she ended up fucking DYING A LITTLE BIT LATER ANYWAY. Wrap it all up with today, wherein we discover that the storm that occurred while we were out on Saturday knocked out the power and fried our Wii. WHICH IS TWO MONTHS OLD.


In the past week or so, my air conditioner in my car has been going PWWSSSSHHHHHHH and barely blowing out cold air, which according to my smarty smart pops is probably just the compressor trying to make up for the pressure that's building up since all the freon is gone, which is supposedly available to purchase for less than $10 at Wal-Mart. This is a change from my childhood, when you sold that shit black market for like $200. So that is a frustration that I hope will be soon remedied because I do NOT have the money to deal with that right now and y'all, summer in North Carolina without an air conditioner in a black car is like death.

[personal profile] cryfreedom and I would appreciate your positive thoughts, prayers, or vibes -- whatever it is you do -- because we've got some other stuff going on too.

ONTO BRIGHTER THINGS. Saturday morning we were awoken by our lovely downstairs neighbors and their goddamn tuba music, so we decided to turn the negative into a positive and did like 2 hours of yoga, stretching, and belly dance. It was epic. And I'm sure anyone walking by our place was like wtf are they doing chanting in there. Because we were chanting. If I had time every morning, I would do that AM yoga thing EVERY DAY. And the stretching. And the belly dance. But I am not going to wake up at 4:30 just to do that. Fuck no.

After, we ate and showered and went to the mall to just walk around and look at pretty things. It was so much FUN. I love my BFF so very much. Eventually, our dogs were begging for a rest, so we stopped at the food court and ate Five Guys while we waited for it to stop raining so we could peruse the outdoor part of the mall. But then our feet hurt too badly, so we just walked back to the car and went to a) Michael's so I could pee, b) Lane Bryant so I could get really angry at how expensive all their stupid clothes are now, and c) PetCo to buy our now-dead fish.

Yesterday I was emo and didn't want to move, let alone leave the house, so I didn't. We watched movies for our newly instated movie night: Happy-Go-Lucky (good), Miss Potter (very good), and Last Chance Harvey (very good).

Now it's my lunch time. Ciao.
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Yes, Mr. Matthews. I did say I would do that to you AND your 12-string.

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Boss: I'm going to talk to Big Boss and tell him we're going to where whatever we want this summer unless someone special comes, and then we'll dress up.
Me: Awesome!
Boss: I mean, like no booty shorts.
Me: DAMMIT. *slaps desk* I just bought like, 20 pairs last night!

So I found out this afternoon that I will likely be required to list my weight when I re-enroll for my health benefits or some time afterward, once they figure out how they want to enact the legislation this state passed a bit ago. Being above a certain weight is one of the two causes of the most preventable deaths (the other being smoking). I will refuse to list my weight, not out of shame or embarrassment, but out of IT WILL NOT HELP IF YOU RAISE MY RATES. I'm too tired to get into the whys and hows and all that shit, but I had a conversation with [personal profile] cryfreedom a bit ago about weight and BMI.

In order to get down to the borderline of normal and overweight, I would have to get down to 155 pounds. Some of you know me IRL and some of you just know me through pictures but I can assure you that in order for me to get to that weight, I'd have to lose some serious pounds. Hell yes I am fat, but that much weight? FROM WHENCE SHALL IT COME??? [personal profile] cryfreedom says my head. IT ONLY WEIGHS 7 POUNDS, BUCKO. And what would I have to do to get there? Spend every spare second I'm not at work or sleeping doing cardio? Well, all right, but I already don't get enough sleep and I don't consume enough in a day when I'm NOT killing myself with cardio. I cannot fathom how it would be possible for me to get to that weight. Not because I'm lazy. Not because I don't want to do the work. But because MY BODY ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WEIGHT.

By listing my weight, I will be penalized despite how my blood pressure, cholesterol, and joints measure up. However, a thin person with high blood pressure or high cholesterol or whatever crazy illnesses you only get if you're fat won't be penalized. All because "they" want me to LIIIIIIVE. So I don't drop dead of a heart attack from being fat. Because everyone knows that perfectly healthy not fat people never die from heart attacks.

And now that the taste of my beautiful macaroni and cheese has been RUINED BY THIS BULLSHIT, I'm going to sign off.

I finished my final today!

Here are two bits on the legislation. I was kind of excited when I read in the announcement I received yesterday that there were going to be "wellness" initiatives. I thought I could get reduced prices for yoga classes or discounts or something that would, idk, help with my WELLNESS. Then I learned that they just want to decrease my benefits for being fat. Because that'll help. Especially in a state where a lot of people live around the poverty line and already can't afford to see a doctor, even with insurance, let alone spend their entire grocery budget in one trip buying non-processed, all-natural foods and produce. Right.

Ow pain?

May. 4th, 2009 12:23 pm
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So I think I'm going to have to call my dentist. I have fairly consistent, dull pain at the extraction site on the lower left side of my jaw. I can't tell if it's residual pain from having the tooth pulled or if I'm developing an infection or something. It's not unmanageable pain (though I've noticed it kick up a bit today) but I don't want it to get really hideous either.

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Thanks to [personal profile] quiara, I have a DW account. I have absolutely no idea what I'll do here but I seem to collect blogs like most people collect...collectible things. Those crazy little state spoons! That's what.

So if you've read [personal profile] cryfreedom's first entry, you will see that I am having my wisdom teeth yonked tomorrow. I am not worried about this. I mostly want it over with so I can get some sleep. Because I am sorely lacking in sleep these days. Nightmares, insomnia, etc., etc.

But enough about that. And everything else. Because I have nothing to say right now!
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